Learn Australian English in this Expression episode of Aussie English where I teach you to use TO CROSS THAT BRIDGE WHEN YOU COME TO IT like a native!
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AE 299 – Expression: To Cross That Bridge When You Come To It
Morning guys.
How’s it going? How have you been? What you been up to? What you’ve been up to?
That’s a really good greeting in Australian English. What you been up to? What have you been up to?
“What have you been up to?” meaning “what have you been doing?”.
How has your week been going? I hope you guys have been well. I finally had my final presentation for the PhD.
So, I spent all week, well all the fortnight really, the last two weeks, putting that together practicing it, rehearsing it.
And then, yesterday, the day before yesterday, on Thursday, I got to present in front of the University.
That said, there weren’t that many people there. It was probably a small room of about 20 people.
It was pretty good. It took about, you know, 30 or 40 minutes for me to get through my 96 slides in my Power Point presentation for these guys.
But, yeah, (I) felt really good. We had pizza afterwards. I hung around with everyone there for a bit.
And then, (I) had to jump back home and give some private lessons.
So, it was a good day except for the fact that it pissed down rain.
So, it was raining cats and dogs as we had to walk from the Museum over to the University.
So, the University requires me to give my final presentation in the University or at the university, although I am based at the Museum.
So, I’m normally at the Museum because my supervisor is based at the museum.
That’s where he works. And so, I work there with him.
But I am enrolled through Melbourne University.
Anyway, so, aside from that, last night we went out. So, it was a big party with the lab that I work in.
So, all the people that I work with who are also students studying at the Museum.
We went out to a place called The Napier Hotel. N-A-P-I-E-R. And that is in Fitzroy.
So, for anyone living in Melbourne or planning to visit Melbourne, I really recommend going to the Napier, N-A-P-I-E-R, in Fitzroy, because they have the most amazing parmas.
So, “parma” is an Australian slang term for parmigiana. I’m probably saying that incorrectly.
Basically, a parma is a dish, a certain food, where you get… you usually get a salad, some chips, and you’ll get a chicken breast that’s been cooked in crumbs.
And then it usually has ham on top with cheese on top of that with tomato sauce on it as well.
Forgive me, my alarm just went off.
So, parmas are one of my favourite meals to go out and have in Australian pubs.
The Napier is an Australian pub.
This is one of these stereotypical Australian meals that you’ll find if you go out and about in Australia.
And so, the reason the one at The Napier is so good is because they use smoked kangaroo.
So, that may come as a bit of a shock to some of you guys, but we can eat kangaroo in Australia.
They are actually a pest species.
There’s way way way too many of them because of all the farming that we do.
They breed like crazy. Anyway, we can eat them. We have them often at restaurants.
You can get them at Woolworths, which is a supermarket chain.
But, the Napier’s so good because it’s smoked kangaroo that they use instead of ham.
Anyway, these parmas are huge. They’re about the size of your head. Really really really good good food.
On top of that, we drank a whole heap of beer.
Definitely more than I should have drunk, but I made it home in the end.
I, you know, walked home through the streets after hanging out with all of my friends, and we all parted ways, and (I) came home and pretty much got straight into bed.
So, I got home, walked through the door, and hit the sack. I hit the hay.
I went to bed pretty much straight away. So, that’s been my week.
That’s been my last evening. I am now sitting here in front of my computer chatting to you guys with a coffee.
So, (I’m) trying to sort of, hopefully, cleanse a little bit today, and be a little more healthy.
I might go get a salad for lunch. Anyway, today’s going to be an awesome episode, guys.
Let’s get into it.
So, today’s expression is “to cross a bridge” or “to cross that bridge when you come to it”.
“To cross that bridge when you come to it”. As usual guys, let’s just get into it.
Let’s define the words in the expression to cross that bridge or to cross a bridge when you come to it.
So, “to cross”, “to cross something”, this is to traverse something, to pass over something.
To go from one place to another place to cross something.
So, you could cross a river if you use a bridge to literally go across the river.
You cross the river. You could cross an ocean if you were in a boat. You could cross the ocean by sailing.
Or you could be in a plane and you could fly over the ocean, to cross it.
You could cross the ocean by flying over it. So, that’s the verb “to cross”.
“A bridge.” “A bridge” is a structure for walking, for driving, for riding across to pass over something usually a road or a river, a building, a path.
A bridge is a structure for crossing something else, for going over something else. A bridge.
“To come to”, “to come to something” is to arrive at something.
So, “to come to a stop” is to arrive at a stop. “To come to a place” is to arrive at a place.
So, I could say, “Today, I have come to this beach to go for a swim. I have arrived at this beach to go for a swim”.
“To come to” is to arrive at.
As usual, let’s go through and define the expression, guys.
So, if you say to someone, “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” or you tell them that they need to cross that bridge when they come to it, it means that they need to solve that problem when and if it arises.
So, it’s a metaphor for solving a problem, for overcoming an obstacle when and if it arrives, when and if it happens.
So, “we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it” will mean that we’ll worry about, quite literally, crossing that bridge, we’ll worry about going over that bridge, when we get to the bridge, when we arrive at the bridge.
But figuratively, if we use this as a metaphor, it means that we will solve that problem, we will overcome that obstacle, whatever the obstacle or whatever the problem is, when we get to it, when we arrive at it, when we come to it.
So, to cross the bridge when we come to it is to solve a problem when it happens.
As usual, let’s talk about some examples of how we would use this expression in everyday life guys.
Examples:
1.
So, imagine, number one, that you are going on a road trip. You’re going on a road trip around Australia.
So, maybe you’re driving from Perth all the way east to Victoria, to Melbourne, where I live.
And then, you’re going to drive all the way north up the east coast of Australia to Cairns.
And that’s thousands and thousands of kilometres.
I think it be about 12,000 kilometres to do those two legs of that trip.
To drive from Perth to Melbourne. The first leg.
And then, to drive the second leg from Melbourne to Cairns.
So, it’s a huge road trip that you’ve got planned, and you have an old car.
So, the car’s a bit of a bomb. You’re worried the car’s going to break down.
It’s going to stop functioning. So, that something in the engine is going to go wrong.
Maybe something will break. A cable will break. Maybe the radiator will blow.
Something’s going to happen and the car’s going to break down. This is what you’re worried about.
If you say to someone, “What happens if the car breaks down?”, the other person could say to you “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”
And they’re saying that meaning, “We will worry about that problem when it happens. We’ll worry about overcoming that obstacle, the obstacle of the car breaking down, if it happens, when it happens. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”
2.
Number two. Imagine you’re planning a surprise birthday for your mother, for your mum.
So, you want to plan this awesome epic surprise birthday with all your relatives, with all of her friends, with all of the gifts.
You’re going to cook up a barbie.
You’re going to have a whole bunch of food. It’s going to be an amazing party.
But your mother hates surprises. She absolutely hates surprises.
So if someone said to you, “Oh man! What happens when she gets here and she freaks out, she gets angry because it’s a surprise and you know your mother hates surprises?”
You could say, “Well, if she gets angry about it we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. You can cross that bridge when you come to it. I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. We’ll worry about this problem, we’ll worry about the obstacle that is mum getting angry about this surprise birthday party, when and if it happens. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.“
3.
So, the last example, example number three, is that you are worried about an upcoming exam for an incredibly difficult subject that you are studying at university.
So, I imagine that you’re studying something like, at least for me, maths.
I was awful at maths as a kid, and I was awful at university, and I still am awful at maths.
Imagine that you’re studying for an exam that you need to pass in order to continue studying, and you’re incredibly worried that you’re going to fail it.
Maybe you say to someone, “Oh, I’ve got to study for this exam. I have to go and complete it. I have to get at least this score. I’m really worried that if I don’t I’m going to get thrown out of university.”
Someone could say to you, “Look, just do your best. You’ve still got several weeks to study. Do your best. See how you go, and if things go badly we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. We will cross that bridge when we come to it. We’ll worry about that obstacle or that problem when and if it happens. You can cross that bridge when you come to it.”
So, as usual guys, let’s go in, let’s dive in, let’s do a listen and repeat exercise where you guys can practice your pronunciation.
So, listen and repeat after me, guys, and try to sound exactly like I do as a native English speaker.
Let’s go.
Listen and repeat:
To cross.
To cross.
That bridge.
That bridge.
To cross that bridge.
To cross that bridge.
To cross that bridge when you come to it.
To cross that bridge when you come to it.
I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.
You’ll cross that bridge when you come to it.
He’ll cross that bridge when he comes to it.
She’ll cross that bridge when she comes to it.
We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
They’ll cross that bridge when they come to it.
It will cross that bridge when it comes to it.
Good job, guys. Good job.
So, now as usual, let’s have a little quick chat about pronunciation and connected speech, guys, and how it relates to the expression “To cross that bridge when you come to it”.
In this one, I want you to notice that when we say “To_w_it”, “To_w_it”, “To_w_it” we join the two vowels that “-o” and the “i-“, “To_w_it”, with a W-sound.
So, this happens all the time in English.
And this, again, is not just Australian English. This is all forms of English.
When we have two vowels either side of one another, one at the end of a word, for instance “to”, and the other at the start of a word, in this case “it”, we link them.
And we’ll link them with either a “Weh” sound, a W sound, “Weh”, or a “Yeh” sound, a Y sound, a “Yeh”.
So, in this case, it’s a W. It’s a W sound. “To_w_it”.
So, listen and repeat after me, guys. I’m going to say “To_w_it” five times.
Practice your pronunciation, and then we’ll go through the listen and repeat exercise one more time so that you can practice this pronunciation and connected speech tip.
Let’s go.
Listen and repeat:
To_w_it.
To_w_it.
To_w_it.
To_w_it.
To_w_it.
I’ll cross that bridge when I come to_w_it.
You’ll cross that bridge when you come to_w_it.
He’ll cross that bridge when he comes to_w_it.
She’ll cross that bridge when she comes to_w_it.
We’ll cross that bridge when we come to_w_it.
They’ll cross that bridge when they come to_w_it.
It’ll cross that bridge when it comes to_w_it.
Great job guys. Great job.
Remember, that as usual, as I always go over at the end here, if you want to sign up to be a member go over to www.TheAussieEnglishPodcast.com, and click on Learn English Faster.
You can sign up and become an Aussie English supporter straight away, you can become a member, and you can get access to all the bonus content for this episode, as well as all the previous expression episodes.
So, the bonus content includes MP3s, a more thorough PDF of the transcript, and you get access to all of these exercises that are designed to teach you to speak English and to understand English just like a native speaker.
So, we go through substitution and phrasal verb exercises, we go through pronunciation in connected speech exercises, grammar exercises, slang exercises, listening comprehension exercises, everything that you need to take your English to the next level faster.
Aside from that, guys, if you want to support Aussie English you can become a patron on the Aussie English Patreon page.
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You can choose the amount that you wish to donate. It happens on a monthly basis.
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So, you can donate one dollar. You can donate more than a dollar if you choose.
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It means the world to me that you guys are supporting me (to) create this content to help everyone learn Australian English.
Anyway, guys I hope you have a great week. Keep practicing your English.
Keep practicing speaking, reading, listening, and writing.
Keep at it, and I’ll chat to you soon.
See ya guys!
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AE 510: A Chat about Pregnancy in Australia with Kel & Pete
Learn Australian English in this interview episode of The Aussie English Podcast where Kel and I chat about her pregnancy in Australia.
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AE 510: A Chat About Pregnancy in Australia with Kel & Pete
G’day, guys. Welcome to this episode of Aussie English. Today, I have a special episode for you where I sit down with my wife Kel and we talk about the first trimester of her pregnancy, what we thought it was going to be like compared to what it actually has been like up to now.
Anyway, before we get into that, I want to let you know that today’s episode is brought to you by the Native English course. Now, you may remember when I interviewed Justin on the podcast a few months ago, he has released a native English course and it is about learning real spoke in English.
So, this is aimed more at intermediate students who are aiming to push from intermediate to advanced. So, if you are interested in learning the tricks and tips for speaking English more like a native speaker, things like culturally-focussed speaking, tips on spoken contractions and pronunciation, and different kinds of subject matter for small talk, all that kind of stuff, this is an amazing course. It’s very affordable and you will save 15 percent with the coupon ‘AUSSIE‘ if you go to lingova.com. That is LINGOVA.com.
Anyway, let’s get into today’s video, guys.
Today’s episode is brought to you by the NATIVE ENGLISH course:
Save 15% with the coupon:
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Trying to use this little selfie stick again, I remembered how good it was. Anyway, we’re about to go out and get some muffins and coffee and Kel had an idea, Kel had a pretty nifty little idea. What are you doing, Kelly? Why are you hiding? Come here ‘cause I don’t want to show you guys the room, it’s a bit dirty.
So, tell us about your idea, you wanted to do the pregnancy diary.
You wanted to do a little pregnancy diary where you can talk about it, you know, and this might not be helpful for many men out there listening,
but hopefully it gives you some good vocab and as well some a learning experience for those of you who are thinking about getting pregnant in the futureYeah, and I think people want to see our little bump.
Little bump? What’s this Kel? Show us the bump. Is it a little?It’s huge. Look at that. Yeah, I reckon mine’s bigger. Look at that much bigger. My baby’s way further along than yours.
You’re so competitive
Alright, so we’re going to go to Barwon Heads and get some muffins. Don’t look at the room. Don’t look at the room.
As always, we’re in front of the house walking to the car. But this time Kelly’s here. We’re not go to the gym, not today. So, where are we going Kel, Kel?
To the coffee shop. Coffee shop, coffee shop. There is an amazing place in Barwon Heads, called Starfish, right? And It is…hold on, just let me get in the car. Get in Kel!
Yes, so It’s called Starfish, it’s really good, mum found it and it has amazing muffins and even better croissants with pumpkin. Oh my god this is so good!
I love it, I just can’t handle it.
Can’t handle it today, huh? A bit pregnant, preggers, up the duff. A little bit ‘nojenta’ (nauseous).
Prenha (pregnant).
What does this mean?
Pregnant but in a very sort of…Like cows get “prenha”.
Okay. Okay. Alright.
We’re off to Barwon Heads. We’re off to Barwon Heads. So, how you feeling today? You’ve been a bit nauseous recently. Tell us about your experience being pregnant. How’s it been? Has it been fun?
No, it’s not fun. I mean…It is nice when you realize that you have a baby in you and you think about it and you buy things, but daily sort of… the struggle is real.
The struggle is real. Like I wake up feeling sick every day. It goes on for the rest of the day, pretty much. If I’m hungry, I feel even worse, but then because I’m so nauseous, I don’t feel like eating anything and
even my favourite things like cheese or pasta like I just don’t feel like having any foodThat’s the weird thing, I think because you love those foods and you were eating them like an animal before you got pregnant, but now, you just like…do you think like is it what’s putting you off them? Is it the idea of what they taste like, the smell of them? The textures, is there some specific aspect or you just don’t feel like eating that food now?
I know some women get really sick like with smells and textures, I’ve been reading about it, but for me personally, it’s just I don’t feel hungry. I feel…well, I know I have to eat and I kind of get like okay. I really like cheese or whatever, but then when I’m there looking at it it’s just like, I don’t want it. It’s just like the pizza we got the other day I had like two pieces and I was just like…
What did you order? You ordered a pizza and it was like half peri-peri Mexican or some spicy thing and then half…What was the other half?
Was chorizo or something.
Chorizo like a margarita with a bit of sausage on it or something and you ate that but then you were like this other one looks gross and I’m not eating it.
And I love chicken, that’s my favourite thing.
It would have never happened in the past.
Not at all, I would have started with this one because I like it so much
I don’t know, that’s the most weird thing that’s happening. The rest is just fine. Like I know I’m not putting putting on a lot of weight yet so, it’s fine. Not vomiting a lot. I feel really sick, but I don’t vomit.
You only vomited once. Yeah exactly. What happened then when you vomited the first time?
I think we were in the car, right? Normally without being pregnant I get
Motion sickness. Yeah, you don’t do very well in cars at least when you’re not…when you weren’t pregnant, it would be like if we were driving around, really bad corners, like if you go down the Great Ocean Road, it tends to be pretty horrible.
Yeah
Yeah, So, if you’re going down the Great Ocean Road it tends to be… that’s when I would get motion sick if we were going down fast and you’re constantly like…
But for me it’s so bad, I can’t even use my phone in the car.
Normally, normally.
We were coming back from your grandparents’ place in Melbourne, yeah, which is about a two hour drive I just couldn’t handle it anymore and I just puked.
We were so close!
We were one turn, one turn away from our house and dad was driving and Kel’s like give me the bag!
And we’re like literally a minute away from getting home and you puked in the car. Yeah in front of my dad.
And then he was turning the fan on.
Aircon up. Aircon up. It’s all good, it’s not easy. I can’t imagine, you know, the hormone changes and feeling nauseous all the time. That would, that would get to me. I think that was frustrating.
Yeah at the end of the day you’re just so tired of feeling so sick. Yeah, and I don’t know if all the women experienced the same but I have every day when it’s kind of like getting dark around like six seven I get quite
unsettled like I’m just uncomfortable. I don’t know if it has something to do with the hormones or if it’s just because I’m tired of feeling so sick.Yeah
But I just get really like I can’t do anything like I don’t if…in bed, I’m uncomfortable, if I get up to do something else, I’m uncomfortable.
Yeah, you’d be finding it really hard to get to sleep, right? Recently and it’s not the stereotype is that it’s morning sickness which is what I assumed before you got pregnant like oh, yeah, you’ll be, you know, sick in the morning and then the rest of the day you’ll be fine, but it’s more like all-day sickness.
All day sickness and I find it really hard to sleep.
And which week did this begin at?
Probably…Yeah, this was six weeks, I mean I’m 8 now, but six weeks that’s when it hit me.
yeah, and fortunately though it’s only meant to last for five to six weeks.
Usually yes, usually yes, that’s what everyone’s telling me.
Most women have been saying don’t worry after twelve weeks you’ll feel fine again and you’ll feel like superwoman!
Right now, it’s really hard for me to imagine I’ll feel so great, like…
but then we watched the…I don’t know if it’s a documentary, but more or less a documentary on birth, childbirth yesterday and the girl that was on there, the Indian one, was like I felt nauseous every day for eight months. So, I can’t imagine that feeling of being sick for eight months and then you know, it must feel pretty good once you’ve finished
Must be very good after you finish. Yeah, and you’re like oh, I don’t feel nauseous anymore.But everyone is telling us that you know after those first weeks. Something, you know, happens and you just have great, even your mom saying that you feel like you can do anything.
So, I’m really looking forward to feeling like that because right now is just really bad. So, how do you think it’s changed your life? Your day-to-day routine at the moment if you weren’t pregnant?
What would you be doing that you currently can’t do?
I would probably be having a lot of soft cheese
No, but honestly. It’s hard because I know there is something happening, happening inside me, but you don’t feel much different like physically speaking. Yeah, you know, you feel sick and you feel you know, moody or something happens and you just remember oh, yeah, I’m pregnant, but you look at yourself in the mirror and you just like I’m the same and you don’t realize how much you’re going to change, your personality and stuff. So, it’s not… I’m still digesting the whole thing.
Like hey, I’m pregnant, but I do think…I haven’t eaten for the whole day, for example and I know like I would definitely go to bed without having anything, but I’m like, you know, I have to eat.
I think that’s one of the most difficult things, right? Is that you’re constantly don’t… you’re constantly not feeling like food at the moment but you know that you need to eat because of the baby and to give it nutrition and what it needs.
So, yesterday you you were like barbecuing stuff. I didn’t want to have anything, but I know I don’t usually have meat because well, we’ve been eating meat a lot in the last three weeks but I just don’t feel like having anything, but I was like I have to, I have to have some substantial. That’s probably… that’s the main…
it’s the weirdest thing with Kel having to force her to eat food usually you’re pretty good with food and you’re pretty like…
Yeah
Apart from that, you just, you know, I keep thinking, buying things like I go out and not see the baby stuff and I want to buy it’s just you get used to, I’m getting used to understanding, I guess. Yeah have a baby that’s going to be born in like seven months.
Has it hit you yet? Do you think? I mean you keep asking me like, do you feel like a dad yet? Or like it’s going to happen is it has it hit you, Pete and to be honest it hasn’t because obviously the only, the only thing that I noticed is that you’re feeling a bit sick, right? That’s the only change for me and it’s an external thing for me. I don’t have this internal change in hormones and feelings and emotion and everything like that that you’re going through, but has it properly hit you yet that you will have this parasite, baby crying and keeping you awake and, you know, eventually leading leading you to be an amazing parent in seven months from now.
Not really, maybe I’m just not conscious about it. Like if I wasn’t pregnant I would be like let’s travel, let’s do, you know, other things but it’s really fine for me to be like I can’t do that, I can’t just, you know, decide I can’t just go away and do other things because very soon I’ll be, I’ll have a baby and I have to take care of him or her, but I think it’s a very subtle change.You’ll get used to it
And I’m sure when I have a big belly and the baby’s moving I’ll feel more like a parent, but now…At the same time, I’m reading a lot of a lot of things about parenting so I’m trying to get, you know…
Up your skills
Yeah, because that scares me more than the pregnancy I think being a parent and educating someone kind of scares me.
We are almost here I just have to do a U-ey and park behind this car.
How’s it going? Can I grab a large cappuccino? Takeaway and what about you, Kel?
A small hot chocolate and I might grab… What do you reckon? One of these muffins, Kel? I might grab the dark choc berry one for me, please man.
So good. Is it good? These muffins rule. Look at that chocolate! Tasty? And the cappuccino looking forward to this.
All right now we’re off to the beach we’ll see if we can find somewhere nice to sit down and continue this chat. Yeah, I’m all coffeed out. Oh, too much coffee today, I think.
How many?
Oh, like ten. I’m probably… I had to have one decaf as well. So, there you go, three or two and a half, two and a half. Anyway, we’re in Bowen heads and we’re goinig to head down to this…There’s a little pier. Hopefully, there’s no one on it. Guess we’ll see.
So, how’s it been? What did you expect before getting pregnant, Kel? What were the expectations before you got done? Before you got up the duff?
I don’t know, I didn’t really have any sort of expectations. I thought, I really thought the whole thing about I’m so sick it was an overreaction little bit, but I can see it’s not. There are things that not many people talk about like because they’re embarrassing and you know, you know just feel like Is it actually happening? Like I feel bloated all the time. Sometimes like today I woke up was like Am I showing I have such a big bump! Am I showing or am I bloated? It wasn’t a baby, it was something else.
You go to the toilet and then you get up and you’re like damn it!
You burp a lot, like I’m always…
And she never burps, I burp all the time I must be incredibly pregnant.
It I hate it. It’s just horrible.
You don’t like burping or you don’t like being pregnant?
You’re a bit gassy.
Me?
No, me.
I am, anyway. You are, anyway, but I’m not used to it.
And you have to pee every like 30 minutes to an hour.
That’s what make me more anxious out of everything.
You have to always think where’s the toilet? Where’s the toilet?
I wake up four, like three or four times at night and it’s quite cold here so wake up, it’s cold.
It’s not really cold. It’s just she thinks it’s cold
It is cold and you have to go to the bathroom and you know that the time I go back to bed I’m already like I need to pee again. So, I thought about getting, don’t know what you call it in English, Brazilians will know ‘penico’. Just leave the ‘penico’…
Some kind of small bucket or receptacle or something that you can pee in and that’s near your bed that they would have used before toilets. People use pans. I think you would call it. They use them in the hospital.
Wee can get one of those for you if you want, you got your bucket.No, the bucket is for vomit.
We need to get a mattress that we can put a hole in and then just hold it over the toilet and you can just sleep on the mattress right there, right? and the toilets right underneath you.
Like I had to get new bras because the ones I had were quite uncomfortable.
That shocked me how quickly your breasts got bigger straight after getting pregnant I thought oh…
Yeah, It was like, we found out one day the next day. I was like, boom!
I always thought that it was like, you know, towards the end that the breasts get bigger. They get filled with milk or whatever that the baby needs and that happens later on in pregnancy, but obviously the hormones kick in and there’s some sort of you know changes occurring in your breasts. But I was just like yeah, I didn’t expect that. But I like it.
I like it, to be honest, that’s a good part of pregnancy. Forgive me, forgive me.He was like, can you just press pause?
But I’m only eight weeks so I don’t know how big…
There’s no upper limit
I think those are the most, you know, annoying things mmm, it’s really it’s really nice. I don’t know, if you think about it and you imagine you have to educate this person and try your best and love and I was really scared of not being able to love.
Yeah, what were you nervous about it? What were you scared about it? Cause you had quite a lot of preconceptions before getting pregnant that you were sort of like am I going to be a good mum?
Yeah. Well the good mum thing. It’s always in my mind. Like am… I am I able to do a good job? and there’s no recipe, right? You just, you try your best.
You have to wing it. Yeah suck it and see.
Yeah, but what I am doing is I’m reading as much as I can about parenting and trying to get…Trying to understand what’s the best for with regards to education and stuff but with the love issue because you’re single and that’s the amount of love I’m capable of giving.
I get the limit at the moment. I get everything.
You get everything and it’s an easy because everyone’s like your baby’s born and you…There’s no way you can love someone more than you love your baby and that scares me because how vulnerable is that? Like this little person can literally destroy my life if something happens. I’ll be like that’s my whole heart going away with this little kid, but at the same time it’s amazing to think that you are able to love someone like that and you can do anything.
Well, that’s what I kept saying to you the whole time. You kept saying how am I ever going to love someone as much as I see everyone loving their children? And I said, I think it’s one It’s naturally going to occur and two
I think it’s the kind of thing that’s going to develop as you get through your pregnancy. You have this thing inside you that you’re developing a bond with and then when it’s born it’s just going to…With your niece, for example. Yeah, I really love her. Like I spent time with her. She’s the cutest baby ever and I feel connected and I’m like
How can I think I will not love my baby?That’s what I said
I’m like you already like my niece so much to imagine what you’re gonna feel for your own child. So, that was a big thing that you were worried about to begin with I think.
But yeah, it’s much better now, but it was before getting pregnant. I was like scared of you know, not being able to care and to love but you know nature, nature works fine, and you just do it.
Exactly. And so, what about parenting, you’ve been learning a lot about that recently. What are the do’s and don’ts that you think you sort of come across?
That’s hard because there’s no, as I said, there’s no recipe, right?
There’s no right answer.
Yes
You don’t… you shouldn’t expect – oh, I will apply those rules and tips and my baby will be the best child, you know, on Earth. Every child is different.
Yes. It’s a difficult thing though because there are definitely answers that are better than other answers, right? and options that are better than other options, but there’s no definitive guide to do this four times a day, you know, and you’ll have a good kid.
No
And that’s the difficult part for me – I want to do the best I can but I know my own limitations. And I also know that you can only control so much when you have the child. They they’re going to have their own personality that’s sort of irrespective of what you set up or do before that?
Yeah, and I’m really into the whole like peaceful parenting stuff because that’s a very different way like from my experience. I wasn’t raised with…
Peacefully.
And I really think it works. Like I really think that’s…that’s the, you know, the best advice you can get
Do you want to talk about what is peaceful parenting exactly?
So, peaceful parents is all about not…understanding, first of all, understanding your child and respecting their personality, like you wouldn’t force your friend or your partner to do something they don’t want to do because it hurts and it feels horrible, so the whole respect towards children, that’s what I like and it’s all about avoiding punishment. It’s not that you’re not going to teach them, you know, boundaries limit and exactly but you do it in a different way because every time they misbehave. It’s a chance for you to teach them something as opposed to it’s a chance for you to punish them.
I think it’s a lot more based around conversations and discussions why they can’t have something, why they can’t do something, why something they did was wrong as opposed to go to your room because I said so or you can’t do this because I don’t want you to, I think from my point of view that wouldn’t work on me now so why would it work on a kid, right?
Like if someone tells you you can’t have this and you’d be like well, I feel like I can so why can’t I and the person just says because I said so you’d be like well, that doesn’t really you know sit well with me you need to tell me more so I think you need to sort of treat kids like that as well. Like they’re more like adults. Explain to them why you’re deciding certain things.
You also need to understand the the child’s brain is not developed. Yeah, so you can’t expect them to be mature and you know, responsive when you know, you lose your temper sometimes and you know, it’s hard I struggle with, you know, understanding my emotions sometimes and I get quite overwhelmed from you know, every now and then but imagine a child. It’s just really hard for them to understand what’s happening. Like they don’t, they don’t know any better. They’re just children.
Yeah, and but I think that’s the important part. They are not going to learn without you.
And you need to accept that you can’t expect more. When… even though you want your child to be the most well-behaved child in the room. You can’t expect them to be more mature then that they actually are for their age, you know? And I really like that because I see, I mean, not being judgemental here, but I see a lot of people and I used to do the same with my sister or my you know, the kids I was working with in Townsville, you can’t you get so frustrated. Sometimes you want them to do something and you forget like, if they are misbehaving, it’s probably because they are they are after something else. Is it attention? Are they hungry? like there’s always something
And with the documentaries we’ve been watching quite often the kids that misbehave the most so the ones who don’t have a connection with their parents and they’re just looking for some kind of you know, I guess response or some kind of attention from their parents and that’s why they act out or they act up
And something that I it really resonates with me is, at least in Brazil, I think and again I’m speaking from my own experience. The whole thing with my family was like, oh don’t do that the child will be spoiled. You’re hugging too much, you’re doing too much attention. It’s just for me that doesn’t make any sense because I can’t imagine how scary the world is. You’re like a little child the only thing you know, that is safe it’s your, it’s your mom and your dad and you don’t give them attention, you let them cry for hours without going there.
There’s limits, right? You have to be not overbearing. You can’t do overbearing mother that protects them from everything. You have to… you have to let them expose themselves to the world and risk being hurt or in danger, but at the same time be there for them
You need to be there all the time and you need to be as, you know, affectionate and caring and there’s no limit for that. That’s one thing that if you get if you want to get something from like peaceful parenting and stuff just be there and give as much love as you can like, there’s no limit, you’re feel free to give as much love as you can because that’s that’s what makes them safe and they connect with you and they trust you and that’s their world like that you are the only thing they have when they’re little at least. It’s been good to learn about it.
That’s where we’re at currently. So, who knows if that’s what it’ll actually be like later on during the pregnancy or when the baby is actually born, but the sun’s getting in my eyes. Maybe we should, we should finish up there, guys. Hope you enjoyed it, but yeah Kel thought this would be a fun idea to sort of sit down and do a pregnancy diary kind of thing where we can chat about what’s happening with Kel and what we’re planning and and things were learning and stuff just to talk about different things in English. So, hopefully you enjoy it all the things in the next video some things yeah, let’s do it. Anyway. Thanks for joining us, guys! Chat soon!
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Good job, guys. Well, I hope you enjoyed that episode today. If you guys planning on having a child Down Under, or maybe you’re currently in the process of having a child, or maybe you’ve already had one, I hope that episode was helpful and gave you lots of vocabulary and expressions, things that you can use when talking about these topics. That’s the whole point. That’s why I like sharing this kind of information, even though it’s a bit of my private life and Kel’s private life, I feel like it’s helpful for you guys, so I hope you liked it.
Just remember too, guys, that today’s episode was brought to you by the Native English course. Go to lingova.com that is LINGOVA.com and sign up with the coupon ‘AUSSIE‘ to save 15 percent and get your English from intermediate to advanced if you are an intermediate English learner.
Anyway, thanks for joining me today, guys, and I’ll chat to you soon. Peace out.
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